Take my hand and watch the world go by.

you belong somewhere you feel free

2009-11-09T21:27:37Z

some important dates i want to remember:
8/27/09
9/16/09
10/27/09

anyways, jade went to the eye doctor because i noticed her right eye was doing a weird little drifting thing. not all the time. just randomly and all the sudden. after testing her focusing, seeing if theres any crossing, and everything they could possibly test, the doctor told me she has pseudo-strabismus.
"Certain children may appear to have strabismus[not straight eyes] when, in fact, they do not. An extra fold of skin near the inner eye, a broad, flat nose or eyes that are unusually close together may also produce the effect of false (or pseudo) strabismus. False strabismus should disappear as the child's face grows."
the doctor told me its more prominent in asians and infants. so why is it happening now???
so i guess when jades nose grows bigger the "optical illusion" will fix itself. its all so weird.
i've noticed it hasnt been doing it as much lately so thats good at least.

an update on everything else:
-making quite a bit of extra money at work. i have to do a ton of paperwork and schedule new patients and continue to work my butt off. but having that extra money helps so much. next paycheck should be a good one. minus the fact i was sick last week.
-i have a boyfriend. still cant believe we're back together but everyone knows how i feel about him.
oh and last week when i was so sick and couldnt move off my couch he took jade to his house to play for a couple hours so i could sleep. and then when he brought her back she was exhausted and asleep so i got to rest even more. it was so perfect.
-i had an amazing birthday. it's still weird to say that i'm 24 now.
-my car hasnt been giving me too much grief lately.
-and i couldnt be happier with my living situation. if only i could keep up on the dishes. ugh

i have to go camping soon or i'll burst. just saying. can we get a cabin or somethinggg? anything? i'd even like to go wine tasting or something and see if theres a wine out there that i actually can tolerate and appreciate. leah thinks there is.

seacrestout

doot doot beep doot doot

2009-10-18T07:24:53Z

i feel like catching up. but i 1. dont have the time and 2. dont know how to put into words everything thats been going on.

but life has been well. if someone could buy me a better car i'd be the happiest woman(i'm getting old) alive.

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-08-29T12:33:00

2009-08-29T19:36:38Z

is this really happening????!

life is crazy. mario party is fun. watching the labyrinth on projector last night at my work was pretty fun too.

i can't think straight. k byeeeeeeeeeeee

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-07-10T14:13:00

2009-07-10T21:15:44Z

disappointment after disappointment.

except with family. my family from michigan are down. seeing them and having as much fun with them as i have been reallllllly makes me want to move there. to be with people that love me and value my company as much as i do is a nice feeling.

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-07-06T21:20:00

2009-07-07T04:26:21Z

so last night around 2am i said the word "no" in my sleep out loud. i said it like it was a response to something really shocking. hah
the reason i remember doing this was because it first woke me up. and then shortly after i heard jade screaming "noooo"
she was wide awake and then proceeded to call for me for 10 minutes. so i got her up and brought her to my bed and turned on beauty and the beast. i fell asleep sometime after it started but when the movie ended jade woke me up saying, "its over mom" haha
she watched the entire movie.
so then i put on lady and the tramp and we both ended up falling asleep to that.

it sucked at the moment because i was begging to sleep soundly, but while i was at work today i realize i love times like those. cuddling in bed with my little one. one day she'll be too big and that will break my heart i'm sure.
anyways, i just wanted to share that story.

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-06-22T14:13:00

2009-06-22T21:23:12Z

back from big sur/ santa barbara/ pomona- mewithoutYou show

all three were great. and all for different reasons.

of course today, after having such a great trip, is going terrible so far.
but lets do the +/- thing anyways

+ having some great best friends. there was no tension the entire trip. it couldnt have gone better
- realizing that i'm always the one to put effort into keeping friendships going and i'm just not going to do that anymore. if people want to see me or talk to me then it can become an equal thing. i'm just tired of doing all the work
+/- i took alot of really awesome pictures this past weekend. alot of them i couldnt post because i have way too much family and work friends on the internet. jeeze
-my dog was covered in fleas when i got him back home.
- when jade woke up this morning i was expecting a great big hug and kiss and instead i got," i want daddy. or gramma. or papa" haha pretty much anyone but me.
- to top off my shitty morning i slammed my knee into my coffee table and its killing me and has a huge greenish bruise.
+ having so many great stories to tell next time i see my friends.

just some thoughts i've been having lately

2009-06-09T06:19:31Z

1.am i the only one that thinks everyone is growing up too fast??
and i'm the one with the kid. jeeze

2.have you ever loved someone so much you just want to shake the stupid out of them? i feel that way about my mom, friends, and myself actually. haha.

3.being a young mom is harder than i ever imagined. i just hate having to be the bad guy all the time...and in the end still have her not wanting to listen to me. its so frustrating when she runs away from me in public. she thinks its hilarious. it drives me nuts when she goes in another room and when i follow her she tells me to go away. :\
dont get me wrong...she has her loving, funny, and oh so cute moments but lately i've been seeing more of her sassy side. sighhhhhhhh.

i suppose i should just go write in my journal by my bed because for once i actually want to write what i'm feeling and don't feel like making this entry private.
just know that my heart is feeling pretty heavy lately and you'd think time would make things better...but i think time actually just makes it worse.

it's a little bit funny, this feeling inside

2009-06-03T04:10:02Z

1.grandma is home and happy. and i'm so glad to see her there.
2.i'm pretty settled into my new place and guess what...janelles mom just told me she only wants to charge me 600 a month instead of 700. holy smokes i'm so lucky.
3.jades driving me nuts. i think she threw over 3 or 4 tantrums today. this is much worse than her terrible 2's. she's def. crankier as a 3 year old. but when shes sweet and fun(which is most of the time)shes amazing. its just those tantrums that make me crazy.
4. saw the movie 21 grams last night. loved it. but of course i had to ask a million questions
5.going camping in big sur with erin and leah june 18,19,20 and coming home the 21st and seeing mewithoutyou that night.
6.why do i always like the shy awkward guys? haha
7.it's kinda weird having money. i went a longgg time with having none...not including the quarters and change i use to take from greg. but working and having money does make me feel pretty good.

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-05-27T14:12:00

2009-05-27T21:17:41Z

last year around this time i was sleeping on greg's couch and had no job. i was pretty happy though.

but it's summer again and i plan on having another great one.
starting now.

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-05-25T20:17:00

2009-05-26T03:20:09Z

oh boy...just visited my grandma in the hospital. shes not doing great still. and its extremely hard to see such a strong woman in such a poor state.

i dont have work until 3 tomorrow so if anyone wants to get lunch or come see my place let me know

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-05-21T13:03:00

2009-05-21T20:04:24Z

i miss everyone.

everything is scary

2009-05-18T05:37:45Z

1. I'm all moved in. tonight was the first night jade is sleeping here(since she was at her dads all weekend)and of course we had a huge earthquake and it made her scared. she just got to bed alittle while ago.
the sad part was that i was more scared than her and was crying. haha i just reallllllllly hate earthquakes. i remember freaking out back in 94 when there was that big one and all day there were after-shocks. ugh just thinking about it makes me scared
2. I have my dog with me here. and janelle has quite a few dogs and one of them beat up marley already. i really hope this situation works out and they end up getting along. i need him here with me. its really scary being alone here...or when jades asleep. man i'm a baby

i just hope my friends dont mind coming over and keeping me company and having some movie nights.
:)

and then theres 3.
my grandma(the most amazing woman alive)is in the hospital again. she had 3 stents put in about a month ago and was totally fine. until 2 nights ago she had a terrible stomach ache and fever and realized her plug from where they put her stents in was really swollen. so she went to the emergency room and found out that they needed to do surgery to figure out whats going on.
turns out she has a hernia and it was cutting off her bowel. so they had to cut her bowel and then reconnect it with her stomach. shes in icu and will most likely be fine. especially with me and all my family praying for her. but scary stuff. i realllllllly cant begin to think about losing her.

with everything going on...i feel extremely overwhelmed and i'm hoping nothing else changes and everything just kinda chills out.
i think i'll go watch beauty and the beast now. goodnight!

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-05-10T16:27:00

2009-05-10T23:29:38Z

oh my god did you see what greg wrote on his live journal??

it's strange being busy all the time

2009-05-03T21:38:04Z

today leah and i went roller blading in the virginia country club with our dogs. oh man i nearly died going up and down some of those hills. i'm 100% sure we actually looked retarded.
but we went through that tunnel by the park and the freeway and it was pretty awesome. our dogs were going crazy after all the lizards that were laying around and pulled us really fast. i know i'm a huge nerd but it was a blast.
then after that we went in her jacuzzi and ate some fresh pineapple.
and once i get jade from her dad in an hour we're going to the 99 cent store to get some little things for my apartment. we're moving may 15th. eeeeeeeeeeee!

oh and i'm really looking forward to camping in king's canyon with erin and leah next month. and the day we get back i'm seeing mewithoutYou. next month will be good.

this month is stressing me out. moving is cool but not having stuff is not. and being the office manager is cool but going to seminars for billing and insurance stuff is not.

holy smokes

2009-04-24T20:54:44Z

in a week i'm moving into my new place in bixby knolls!

i'm so unprepared though. i have a bed and a dresser and a rocking chair and thats it. maybe a couch. oh and a ton of toys for jade.

if you have stuff you're getting rid of give it to me!

also i wont have a sitter for during the week so i will not be going out anymore. not the end of the world. i just hope i have some good friends that will want to come over and watch movies or something.

oh and guess whos the new office manager at work?? yep it's me. the lady doing collections and manages the office resigned. so now i'm the big girl that gets to do everything. i even have to go to a seminar to learn the new restrictions on billing insurance companies. woo hoo...not

anyways, i wish life would consistantly be good for now on. but it never lasts all that long. so i'm really going to enjoy this good feeling i have right now.

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-04-12T20:47:00

2009-04-13T04:00:21Z

i'm not gay but i don't like guys anymore. just realized this. i'm happy enough with having some good friends. i've never been good at the whole girlfriend thing anyways.

and today was easter. church for the first time since jade was born was great. i'm already so emotional...and then going to church and hearing testimonials just released the flood gates.
and then there was some baby daddy drama. nothing new. diana(gregs sister) said shes moving out. she cant even handle it anymore. so its cool because she can still see jade at her new place. :)
and then after church and baby daddy drama jade and i went to my grandmas,who is fully recovered from her surgery, :) and actually had a great time. except the occasional annoyance from my mom. but whatever. they had a easter egg hunt with eggs that had candy and money inside. between me and jade we got 25 dollars. heyyoo

got another 40 dollar bonus at work on friday. planning another tattoo. moving out soon. feeling confindent surprisenly. tired of drama. needing a hug. quit smoking ciggarettes. still drinking soda..mmm dgaf. talked to marisa. wanting to ride my bike. take a vacation?

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-04-09T14:25:00

2009-04-09T21:28:02Z

it's been a great fucking week. not.

at least i dont have a loser boyfriend anymore. damn. that was mean.

but my grandma is worrying me. she had 3 blocked arteries...and now has 3 stents. my god i cant lose her. so i'm hoping these stents work for awhile.

i feel like i havent eaten a good meal since monday. uh oh...stressing out sucks.

too good to be true??

2009-03-30T21:22:03Z

so on sunday i took jade to her best friend Kaylee's birthday party at my friend janelle's house. her parents built a back house behind their big two story and janelle rents out the upstairs. well it turns out that shes moving into the 3 bedroom downstairs now and is going to let me and jade rent out the upstairs.
here we go...
+ it's only 700 bucks a month. with no down payment or first or lasts months rent
+i'll be able to have my own room and theres a tiny bed size room that jade can sleep in.
she can keep her clothes and toys in my room of course.
+they have a pool and a spa.
+ kaylee and jade can see eachother more. i'm so busy now that they would only get to see eachother for a few hours during the week at night but that's perfect.
- i might not be able to bring my baby marley. I'm hoping he can at least stay with me at night and stay at greg's during the day while I'm at work.
+ i'll have a living room, nice sized kitchen, dining room/ office(i'll probably have it as a office)
- it has a tiny bathroom. but whatever
+ it's in bixby knolls. great neighborhood. especially for kids.
+ i'll be close to work and joey
- I'll be further from erin and leah and jades daycare
+ i get to buy stuff for my OWN place and decorate how I want.
- i have no furniture at all. except a bed and a dresser. maybe a couch so i'm going to need alot :\
...overall it's amazing and I'm really excited. I move late may

so now that i have my full time job, cheaper daycare, soon to have my own place...i feel kinda grown up for once. it's a good and bad feeling.

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-03-20T14:29:00

2009-03-20T21:31:26Z

so today at work i was taking somebody off the e-stim machine. its a machine that makes your muscles contract with electric currents and shit. anyways, i forgot to turn it off before i picked it up to clean it off and shocked myself. i'm a dummy. my hand still is tingleing and all the sudden its started shaking pretty bad and i'm scared? hah i'll be fine...but like erin said... being shocked is gross. i dont like it one bit

boooooooooo

2009-03-19T03:54:43Z

i found out that my mom isn't doing too well. shes been having chest pains and my dad is waiting for authorization to take her to a cardiologist. this frusterates me. my dad spends so much time and money on her. and all she does is hurt herself by continueing smoking and doing drugs. shes dumb.

my grandma on the other hand is eating healthy and is an amazing woman and shes been having chest pains too. :( this worries me.

i have been sick on and off way too much this month. first the stomach flu and now a terrible cold. i need to start taking vitamins i guess or something.

everything else in life is good.

the twilight movie is in my dvd player right now suckas

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-03-10T22:12:00

2009-03-11T05:27:14Z

so overall...this has been the worst and best day ever. hah
last night/ this morning was amazing. joey made me feel a million times better about the greg situation.
and he asked me to be his girlfriend. so exciting. hah i loved seeing him so nervous to ask me. of course he had nothing to worry about.
but then once i layed in bed to go to sleep i started getting the worse sharp pains in my stomach. which in my opinion were more painful than child birth itself(although i was pretty drugged up when i had jade.) hah
so all day today i've been at home sick with the stomach flu. i'm feeling better now. i probably should try and eat something now. we'll see

i also spoke with greg about jade not spending the weekends with him anymore. he was crushed but understands why i made that decision. we'll see if losing his daughter is enough to keep him from drinking.

so now you see why this has been such a terrible day. the last thing i ever want to do is keep her from her daddy. she LOVES him. and asks for him all the time. but her well-being is far more important. ughhhhhhh this sucks.

anyways, those of you that pray. please pray for him...and for my stomach. i need to work tomorrow

i hope he reads this

2009-03-10T03:57:18Z

so i guess 2 months of house arrest for a second dui isn't enough to make greg stop drinking. he spent all weekend in san fran with his cousin for his cousin's bacholor party. they drinked and went to clubs. but when greg got home he called me and told me he still didnt have the desire to drink at all since hes been back. oh and that he felt like everything was great without drinking. bullshit. so diana told me that last night he came home around 2am piss drunk. left the house again at 5am. didnt go to work. and drank all day. and when jade got there today, because diana watches jade on mondays for me while im at work and takes her to dance class for me, greg was out of control.
greg hasnt seen jade since last week. and when he saw her today while he was a drunken idiot jade could tell something was wrong with him. soooo thats it.
i'm not going to put her through the pain of having a low life daddy that cares more about feeling nothing than seeing his own daughter. she'll now be spending her weekends with me. and her mondays and fridays with my grandma. maybe it'll take him not seeing her for a few months for him to get better(doubt it)...or maybe his family not seeing her will be enough to throw him out of the house.
it breaks my heart. life was going great and then what do you know...greg ruins everything. again.
FML

or actually fuck his life. he doesnt deserve it

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-03-03T20:43:00

2009-03-04T04:53:03Z

so much is new and i haven't caught up yet.
so i've been working my butt off. my schedule is
mon 9- 6:30 with a 2 hour lunch
tues 3- 6:30 with no break
wed 9-6:30
thur 3-6:30
fri 9-6:30

so i work alllllll week and have the weekend off. its nice.
10 bucks too. so i'm pretty happy. i just havent adjusted completely yet and i dont know if i ever will. i was unemployed for months and months and now i'm full time. yikes
and i miss seeing my jade. shes at daycare or her dads or my grandma's whie i'm at work. i see her in the morning alot on tues and thur. and see her for a few hours after work. but dang. at least i still made it to dance class.
so
+ making money
+not being a complete lazy loser anymore.
- not going to disneyland everyday anymore :\
+living on my own soon
-bills
+joey!
-being tired when i'm hanging out with him
- leah has the flu...please god dont let me get sick
+ erin is the coolest girl.
++and she got into a super cool art show. i'm so proud
----- having work and not being able to go to the opening.
-------- missing jade
+ having a ton of fun last weekend
- missing my dog. i cant wait to move out and have him living with me again.

i'm quite happy

have you seen this yet?

2009-02-26T01:23:37Z

hahah its funny because it's true

acrossthesea28 @ 2009-02-23T13:23:00

2009-02-23T21:36:42Z

i just had the best interview possible.
so i get to the place, belmont health center and sport and its so beautiful. fish tanks and soft couches in the lobby. the lady interviewing me was so nice and very easy to talk too. her and both doctors(or chiropractors i should say)really liked me. they said the fact i have a kid is amazing and shows that im dependable and have my stuff together. which is true except for the fact i have no job, live with a friend, and have not enough money to get a new stereo put in my car. jeeze.
but anyways, they like all my chiro experience and said they will call me tomorrow after checking with my references. which dawn from pluv loves me, leah(who i worked with at pluv and have been best friends for what 13 years?) and dr. tierney who liked me but is kinda nuts so i'm hoping he comes through on this.
i would make 10 an hour. and work as the only receptionist. the female doctor even mentioned that once i get a hold of receptionist she"ll make me office manager and hire someone else to do receptionist and i'll just handle paperwork and billing. which is good news seeing as i'm not even hired there yet.
anddddddddddd free adjustments. which i need from sleeping on a couch for 8 months and having a kid.

and theres more...
i'm so glad that i waited awhile before taking intrest in any guys after my last breakup. i actually feel confident in the fact that i dont need a guy, but would like to have someone to spend some time with. and it kinda looks like this joey guy could be it. so we'll see how that goes...so far so good. hes cute and we have alot in common. and he's obviously okay with the fact i have a daughter. for some reason i just assume every guy will freak out and run away.

anyways, i'm doing good.